The Beginning of the Beginning

May 19, 2019

“Does God bless your transsexual heart?” – Laura Jane Grace, “True Trans Soul Rebel”

I wanted to make this kind of a flowery, poetic post, but my brain doesn't want to work right since 3 hours is the most sleep I've gotten in one shot for the past 10 days. Instead, I'll just be relatively blunt about it: I've made the appointment to speak with a therapist about my gender and, probably, begin my transition. It all seems very surreal, but maybe that's just my sleep deprivation of late.

I had found a lady in a nearby city that seemed like she would be a good fit for me, but she was going to be unavailable until July at the earliest. I thought briefly about waiting for her, but I've really been pushing the limits recently on what I can get away with in public. Things are definitely getting to the point where I more or less need to come clean about who I am and embrace everything, because there's a lot of damage that could be done right now just by the wrong person asking the wrong questions. In any case, 4-6 weeks out was going to be a little too far out.

Instead, I found a therapist who has an office in my hometown and who was accepting new clients immediately. He's a trans man*, so I feel very confident that he'll take me seriously, and also know where I'll need to go to get things moving. I'm excited to actually start making changes and potentially getting estrogen after two and a half years of dreaming about it. That being said, I'm also absolutely terrified of going through with it. I've already gone over my biggest fears with that in my last post, so I won't reiterate it here.

* He's a gay trans man, I'm a lesbian trans woman. We're complete polar opposites, but there is something to be appreciated about the dichotomy.

The point here is that in 3 days, I'll be taking my first steps into a therapist's office with the explicit intent to talk about transitioning.

I should redo my nail polish before that appointment... Gotta make myself look serious about this, right?

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