The End of the Beginning
It's been far too long since I last wrote anything. I'm putting off doing things I need to by typing this, but that's alright. I have all day to get that stuff done.
Where to begin? Well for starters, I've had 6 sessions with my new therapist. Overall, things are going very well. He's very supportive of me and has done nothing but validate my experiences. That being said, there's certainly been times where I have had things that I wanted to say that I never got to since he wanted to move on to other topics. In the end, I've never held back anything that I felt I needed to say, but it's still something that has been a little frustrating. I don't really blame him though, that's just how men are sometimes.
I think after our fourth session he suggested that I make the appointment to start hormone therapy. That was absolutely horrifying, and to be honest, it still is. I'm still very underprepared for handling the blood work, and that's going to take a lot out of me. The appointment is in 9 days (!!!!!!), so I'm running out of time to get over that. Part of me feels like I should do something involving needles before the appointment as like a stepping stone to getting the blood work done; specifically, I've been thinking that I should get my ears pierced. However, that's also a terrible idea, since that just further shortens the amount of time I have to get over the trauma/phobia.
In any case, I'm spending the next 12 days on a day shift schedule, and tomorrow marks the end of peaceful times in my life. During the next 12 days, I'll have to:
- Generally deal with the politics and bullshit of day shift work
- Begin to come out at work (meetings with my boss/HR)
- Face my family for Independence Day celebrations and my nephew's first birthday party, pretending the entire time that nothing is awry
- Go to the appointment, get stabbed
- Come out to family and hurt a lot of people (hopefully not, but I'm pessimistic/realistic)
It's going to be difficult for sure.
I want to keep going with this, but I've spent too much time writing already. It's time to do productive things, like clean and call my sister.