Thoughts on Overcoming Self-Imposed Blocks
One thing I have struggled with my whole life is thinking I'm not good enough at anything. Regardless of what I may be doing, in my head I think that because there are other people who are better at whatever than I am, I am no good at it, or that my opinion in the matter is worthless. The case in point is this post, right now; I went back and forth for a good 10 minutes trying to think about something I could write about. I knew I wanted to write something, but I felt like I had nothing to say.
There came a point in my waffling where I thought “you know what, it doesn't matter what I write, I just need to write,” and that thought seemed to resonate a bit. There's a lot of things in my life that I want to do, but I've made all of these mental hurdles for myself to jump over before I can actually do them. These hurdles are so great that it has become very difficult for me to even begin doing things I know that I enjoy, such as studying Japanese or working on big projects in Python. The mentality of “it doesn't matter, just do it” is one that I've never really embraced before; more often than not, I lean towards being a perfectionist, especially when my work will be seen or used by others. It's the perfectionist mentality that causes me to create these hurdles and feelings of inferiority. Being able to embrace a mentality of “it doesn't matter”, even for something as small as writing a post like this one, doesn't seem like a large victory or accomplishment, however I think that it has the potential to cascade into other activities.
I think that it has moreso been a series of seeds planted throughout my day. I started my day with a little bit of Wii Fit, where the balance board told me “just 5 minutes a day can lead to a healthier lifestyle” or something like that. Furthermore, I read a comment on Reddit later on that basically amounted to “your time on Earth is limited and short, so do the things you want to and work towards getting better at them.” That sort of positivity doesn't fit well with how my brain is wired currently, but maybe with some effort it could be.
I think my new style of posting here will be more like this in the future, where I have my title, tags for the post content, then everything under a read more. I think it'll keep the feed a little cleaner. I would have done it on my earlier posts, but I didn't know that read mores existed. I think I'll retroactively apply it to those posts, assuming I like how it looks.